So far so good. I meant to wake up at 5:30am to come in for my 7am shift -wanted to cook and stuff have some chicken for lunch, but i guess im gonna have chicken for supper because i work up at 6:30am. No bigs - didnt let it get me off track. Had my egg whites for my protein - and had oatmeal with milk and an orange when i got to work. Brought 4 bottles of water and downed one so far. Still gonna do everything i had planned and cant wait.
So after a fight that occured the night before last, me and my b/f have been well not really speaking much. Yesterday i emailed him and told him good luck with his paper and despite how im feeling i didnt want to make his weekend any worse than it is going to be (HUGE paper due monday) and to call me if there was anything i could do to help. He called me at 5pm, but my phone was in the car. I called him at 10pm, he told me he’d call me back later on. By 11pm i wanted to get some sleep so i called him to tell him i was going to sleep. He gave me a sweet goodnight i said bye and that’s been pretty much it. This is huge for me. Usually ill ring off his phone like “lets talk about this, this is upsetting me, blah blah blah, but i figure if he really wants this, and if he really wants to make it work, then it’s on him this time. Either way, i’m fine. I love him to death but it is what it is. Im strong. So yeah, not dropping evrything for him and not revolving around him is part of my reinvention. I think it’s the hardess part. But im good to go. Its jsut like not stuffing anythig you want in your face, gonna be hard at first, but gets easier with practice. If I told him specifically that i was doing this he would say that im ‘making myself not care’ and how its going to be ‘detrimental to our reltionship’. But i definately think its about damn time i made him work for it. I’m tired of being the one who’s always running back whether im wrong or right, and im tired of feeling ‘not important enough’ for him to do the same. Dont get me wrong tis not that he has never taken the blame or called me after a fight, but usually, its definately me..
So after work i am going to clean my car/ get some gas and some fruits/veggies and go for my walk/run/intermittent riverside exercises. Im kinda pumped! I’m going to live the life i’ve always wanted to live. Be that hot girl in the magazine that cooks nice meals and runs on the trails and does her little workouts and smiles at rnadom people cause she’s just a happy person in general. Well i already smile at random people, whats funny is that often they dont know how to act. Im in a city and its very unusual for anyone you dont know to say hi to you, so its funny to see reactions…it depends where you are too…i laugh, lol.
Hope everyone has a good day. Good luck with the struggle ya’ll…let’s grind it out!
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